Aug. 26th, 2009

folksy: (seaside with her)
wake little sunflower!

several things have stood out to me the most this week even though it's only wednesday.
the girl and i went swimming the other day, just her and i. she wore her goggles which made
her sweet face the more sweeter by way of silliness.
after spinning in the water for a bit, we sat in the shallow side and we talked a bit.
i had to tell her my 'woman' thing was coming and that's why i was feeling a little bit unwell.
as always, she asked me what that was. this time she wanted more information.
i explained to her why it happened without getting too explicit and without heading into
male and female relationship territory.
i had to explain too, that when this happens, it means a woman is not pregnant because
a very tiny egg is leaving her body.
this saddened her because it meant that i was not pregnant. momma is not having a baby.
natalie is struggling with being an only child. she wants a sibling desperately and i know this.
she went on to tell me that she wants to have someone she can help take care of.
she also said everyone she knows has a brother or sister.
what she wasn't saying was 'i'm lonely'.
it made me cry.
i wish we could have another. i've been wanting another for sometime. it just seems that
there are several major things in the way like finances and my health issues.
i'm getting older too and so is she; she will be six in january.
my heart seems to break a little more everyday about this.